


No More Trust No More Faith

by knightinpinkunderwear



Series: Whumptober 2020 Dexter & Criminal Minds [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Injury Recovery, Loss of Trust, Murder, Psychological Trauma, Revenge, Trauma, Trust Issues, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinpinkunderwear/pseuds/knightinpinkunderwear
Summary: Elle's thoughts in leaving the BAU. In why she has to.Whumptober Day 6:Theme: Please...Prompt: "No More"
Series: Whumptober 2020 Dexter & Criminal Minds [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946476
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	No More Trust No More Faith

**Author's Note:**

> I miss Elle a bit, I would have liked to see her pop up now and again to show her progress in dealing with what happened to her.

“No more,” said the victims of that awful monster. They could hardly stand to talk about what he did to them. They say everything she remembers thinking, what she pleaded as fingers shoved into her bullet wound to gather blood to paint with. The man that hurt her is gone. 

But the monster hurting these women was released. He should suffer for what he did. He should feel guilty. 

But he’s smiling, taunting her, saying that he’s made those women happy. He’s thanking her. He thinks that she is on his side (she isn’t, she never will be). Elle isn’t going to let him get away with it. 

He didn’t understand the wrongness of his words, he doesn’t understand that kind of pain he put those women through. She wants him to though, selfishly. She wants him to suffer. But more than that she wants to punish him, to make sure he can never do it again. Never smile and take joy in the suffering of women. That he can never revel in their pain, and make them feel like objects. That he can never make them feel helpless and that their body isn’t theirs to control. That their body isn’t theirs anymore. 

She shoots him in the torso three times, revels in the fear. Revels in the knowledge that he is dead when he hits the pavement. 

Then she calls it in. 

Then she acts the part. Says he scared her, that he had a gun (half-truth), that he was going to use it on her (he would have never gotten that far). 

Hotch and Gideon see through the lies. Even from a distance, even though she’s a wonderful actress, afterall she had fooled them into thinking she was fine. She had fooled herself into thinking it. (She knows now she isn’t, she doesn’t know if she ever will be again). 

Hotch calls it, hypervigilance. She wouldn’t have to be so vigilant if he had done his damn job and made sure her home stayed safe. She wouldn’t have to be so vigilant if he hadn’t have sent her home. 

He doesn’t understand it either. He hasn’t had his body be used against him. He hasn’t had fingers push their way into his own squishy bloody innards while laying helpless and prone in his own home. He hasn’t had to live someplace that doesn’t feel safe anymore. 

_ Or maybe he has, _ a small part of her whispers. Maybe he’s trying to help with his evaluations and his wariness. 

Hotch doesn’t trust her anymore. Who knows if Gideon ever trusted anyone. 

Morgan and Ried try to be too understanding. But they don’t know what it’s like. 

Even if there’s a familiar look in Morgan’s eye, one she can’t quite place but feels like _this_. But is easier to push him away when she ignores that look.   


JJ is just press liaison, she doesn’t have to look into the horrible minds of these horrible people. 

She isn’t sure if she leaves to spite Hotch and his evaluations and concerns (but it can’t be genuine, maybe it’s just guilt). Or if she leaves because he’s right, she doesn’t feel safe. Not anywhere, not with her gun, not at her job, not in her home (especially not there). 

She can’t stay in the BAU. She cannot stand to look into the minds of these people now that she’s really been one of their victims.  Now that there is no separation between herself and the situations, no separation between her and what happened to the victims. 

She knows how they feel, she feels it. She knows the pleading and her team hadn’t been there for her, how can she believe now that her team can help each new victim? How can she believe she can help someone else if she cannot help herself?

**Author's Note:**

> I have given up on posting these in order.


End file.
